To prepare for Wednesday’s class, please read Chapter 9 of Ancient Rhetorics, which focuses on the classical rhetorical canon of arrangement. After you read this chapter, I would like you to apply some of its suggestions to your first essay on stress and the high school student and substantially revise your opening paragraph or two. That is, as our textbook suggests, I want you to urge your readers forward into your argument. Frame your introduction in a way that recognizes the stance of your audience more explicitly, as well as the kind of case you are making, whether that is an honorable, difficult, mean, ambiguous, or obscure one. (Please note: You don’t need to identify your case as such, but you should write to your readers in way that anticipates their stance and frame your introduction appropriately.)
To do so, you might consider using one of the topics for making audiences attentive and receptive, or using an insinuation to introduce your piece more effectively. Ultimately, the purpose of this exercise is two-fold. I would like you to demonstrate that you can put into practice some of the suggestions from classical rhetoricians, but also I would like to practice substantial revision. Even if you think your introduction is 100% perfect as is, I want you to try something different. You never know, you might discover something new by trying these suggestions.
Please post both your original introduction and your revision here as comment. I look forward to seeing how you revise your opening to this essay.
Original...
ReplyDeleteApril 1. A day anticipated and yet dreaded by every college bound student in America. This is the day in which many colleges send out envelopes dictating a high school senior’s future. An accumulation of 12 years of schooling, advance placement exams, SATs, ACTs, club memberships, volunteer work, sports participation, and 4 years of constant academic pressure all boils down to this moment. An entire high school career focused on sculpting a stellar college resume only to be judged by an admissions officer in a matter of minutes. At this moment, the student stands at the mailbox with an envelope in hand, inside, acceptance or denial of admission to the one and only university of their dreams. If the answer is yes, the student automatically will have an amazing and successful life. However, if the answer is no, the students life is over with no chance at redemption. While this may seem like an exaggeration, think again, for these are common emotions students often feel in a system full of competition. Safe to say, this causes just a slight amount of stress. With a new year and new beginnings, we must take a look at the unnecessary stress on students, and re-evaluate what education has become today.
Revised...
April 1. A day of pranks and jokes for some, but a day anticipated and yet dreaded by every college bound student in America. This is the day in which colleges send out envelopes dictating a high school senior’s future, which is no April fool’s joke. An accumulation of 12 years of schooling, advance placement exams, SATs, ACTs, club memberships, volunteer work, sports participation, and 4 years of constant academic pressure all boils down to this moment. An entire high school career focused on sculpting a stellar college resume only to be judged by an admissions officer in a matter of minutes. This is moment I, and thousands of other college bound students stood at the mailbox with an envelope in hand, inside, acceptance or denial of admission to the one and only university of our dreams. If the answer is yes, we will automatically have an amazing and successful life, gravy train, no problem. However, if the answer is no, our lives are over with no chance at redemption. While this may seem like an exaggeration, think again, for these are common emotions students often feel in a system full of competition. Safe to say, this causes just a slight amount of stress. For those who have not been in school for a while, think of the student you saw last week on the verge of tears at Starbucks studying before a big test; or the student, like my best friend, who was hospitalized after getting in an car accident because of school induced sleep deprivation. And what about the students who feel pushed out of the college race because the competition stakes are too high? President Obama spoke of education reform as being a top priority in this nation. After all, it concerns this nation’s future. With a new year, new beginnings and education reform in the fore front of changing policy, we: students, teachers, parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, school officials and anyone concerned about America’s youth and future, among other school concerns, must take a look at the unnecessary stress on students, and re-evaluate what education has become today. America, this is important, and it can not wait any longer.
The situation that your children are involved in right now is a peculiar one. Our high schools are pressing students to do better and better on standardized tests and be prepared for the increasingly competitive job market, while students are struggling to cope with the mounting stress. A debate has broken out with what the best plan of improvement is, from homeschooling to restructuring the whole education system. The solutions are catering to students complaints of being overworked. With the growing international competition, how are your children going to win positions over international students who are going to school six days a week and maintain straight A’s across those classes? If your child is overwhelmed with the amount of work that they are doing now how do they expect to compete in the real world when their counterparts are going above and beyond?
ReplyDeleteNew Introduction
Everyone wants the best for their kids including their future, their character, and their stress levels. High school has become a time to grow up not to finish the rest of one’s childhood. There is such a competitive job market that this generation is expected to already be on the track to success with no time to figure out who they are or be kid. Students are complaining of the workloads that they are expected to maintain throughout high school, but if we lighten up on our expectations then they will fall behind the Asian students who are pressured to succeed above all. For our country to remain one of the most respected and competitive in the international job market we must help our kids to succeed and teach them how to deal with the stress that they will experience for the rest of their successful lives.
Original
ReplyDeleteNo matter what generation you come from; at some point in your life you may have heard or participated in a debate about the educational systems in the US. The topic of education has fueled many elections and has certainly forced awareness to the ever-growing problems the systems and students face in today’s society. Recent debates regarding student stress have come from many angles with varying opinions that suggest this problem doesn’t come from a single source. A recent article in the NY Times written by Nancy Kalish titled “It Starts Before High School” states, “The stress levels of our students have reached a crisis point, and I’m not just talking about those in high school”. Nancy goes on to say that the pressures that lead our children to feel this way start much sooner than high school.
Revised
I grew up in a low-income community and attended public schools. And just as many other students in my community, I was faced with certain challenges outside of school that made for a difficult experience. I certainly remember the stress inside the classroom, overloads of homework every night and studying for test after test, but the stress I felt from my family burdened me even more.
The rising stress levels among students are a growing concern. As we witness dropout rates rising across the country, we should all be analyzing what is causing our students to break down under the pressures placed on them. Student stress is not isolated to one region, age group or ethnicity. Its a nationwide problem that will continue to get worse if not immediately dealt with. The number of dropouts are astounding, with 1.2 million students dropping out every year. That is roughly 3300 students a day. Certainly reason to be concerned.
Currently there is a raging debate on the perils of stress on the high school student. There are those who feel that the pressure placed on students to achieve perfection has reached its peak. The New York Times published an article entitled “Stress and the High School Student”, where self-proclaimed academic experts discuss their solutions to the “problem.” Some debaters go to the extreme claiming that in many instances this pressure leads to drug and alcohol abuse. The flaw in this debate is that everyone acknowledges the problem, but they all blame the school system instead of realizing that perhaps the issue exists beyond high school. It is simply ridiculous to place such importance on the struggles of attending a top Ivy League school, while not appreciating the wonderful opportunities presented to you throughout high school. You guys need to start enjoying yourself in high school, and focus on creating a life balance, because stress will always be a part of your life.
ReplyDeleteOriginal
ReplyDeleteGone are the days of leisurely shooting hoops with friends after school. Today, a high school student’s schedule looks much different with rigorous yet unfulfilling academics and an overload of extracurricular commitments meant to differentiate one from others on college applications. Even worse, adolescents in our community are under the misimpression that this is required to get into a college that will prepare them for a successful career. All of this has cumulated to the point where the stress our students face has reached an unhealthful level. We as a community must pursue changes in our education system at the local level in order to provide a model that the nation can follow in order to decrease the level of stress young people in our community face while improving the quality of the education they receive.
Revised
If moms think they have it rough having to drive their kids from school to soccer practice to piano recital to Princeton Review SAT study sessions, imagine being one of the millions of teenagers across the nation who have to deal with the stress of feeling the pressure to succeed not only in AP and honors course-loaded high school classes but in these ludicrous extracurricular activities as well. By instituting a rigid curriculum and a highly quantitative college admissions process, we’ve left an unduly high amount of stress that continues to deteriorate the mental and physical health of youth in our society. It is imperative for the well being of our children that we impose changes in the antiquated education system in which our children take part.
Original:
ReplyDeleteAs kids head into high school they will be faced with the overwhelming issue of stress. High school students experience stress as they enter high school because it is designed to begin the process of preparing them for the real world. I believe students are put under to much stress, which interferes with their education and causes them to lose their motivation. As in coming freshman life at this point is not going to get any easier, in fact it only gets harder. I am writing to the Department of Education so they can know about the issue and help implement change within the education system.
Revised:
It’s the first day of school of a new year and your sitting in your office watching all the new students come in. Just like any principle you wonder will theses students excel, will they do well in tests or quizzes, and how will it effect the reputation of the school? What you do not worry about is if these students will experience too much stress. When you enter high school it becomes a place where it is “every man for himself” and race to the finish line. High school is a brutal world that forces you to balance school, friends and free time. It can chew you up and spit you out if you never learn how to survive. High school students ultimately experience stress as they enter high school because it is designed to begin the process of preparing them for the real world. I believe students are put under to much stress, which interferes with their education and causes them to lose their motivation. It is your job as the principle of Cherry Creek High School to help make their lives easier by elevating some of the stress they experience. I am writing to you most importantly to educate you on the issue of stress, so as their principle you can help implement change within the education system.
Original:
ReplyDeleteFor some in the past, high school was an easy time period, with friends, fun, learning, and friendly competition. Unfortunately, this time of friendly competition and inspired learning has disappeared. In its place are hulking standardized tests, heaping numbers of assignments meant to make students memorize how to pass the standardized tests, and the fear of what happens if students fail the testing. This new system of education has caused undue stress upon students and administrators, which is impacting student relationships in a highly negative way. Students now see other students as obstacles and opponents in achievement which can impact the students for the rest of their lives. High school education needs to be reformed to place the spark back in learning and promote healthier roles in education and student relationships.
Revised:
The high school system is a prison of stress, memorization, and threatening competition to current students and administrators. Inspired learning and the community of students once found has dwindled into centers of institutionalized testing that does not prepare students for the real world. This new culture of stress and fear cannot make a better work force for the future, and will impact our economy in future times. . Students now see other students as obstacles and opponents in achievement which can impact the students for the rest of their lives. High school education needs to be reformed to place the spark back in learning and promote healthier roles in education and student relationships before the kairos of the situation runs short.
Original:
ReplyDeleteDear Josh,
You are now moving beyond your educational experience and heading out into the real world making a career for yourself. As you fulfill your dream of becoming an educator, I challenge you to examine the current education system. Students of all ages are being put under a tremendous amount of stress as a result of the emphasis put on standardized tests in school. Parents, teachers, as well as students are all affected by these said to be important student assessments. So, what is the reason for so much testing, and the overwhelming pressure to do well on them?
Revised:
Dear Josh,
In college, you have been taught how to be an educator. You have been shown how the education system works, including how to test students. As you fulfill your dream of becoming an educator, I challenge you to examine the current education system. Students of all ages are being put under a tremendous amount of stress as a result of the emphasis put on standardized tests in school. Parents, teachers, as well as students are all affected by these said to be important student assessments. So, what is the reason for so much testing, and the overwhelming pressure to do well on them?
Original:
ReplyDeleteDear Principal Loeberg of Maple Grove Senior High School,
I am writing to you today as one of your former students. I would like to thank you for everything that you have done for my former classmates and me. You have shaped the school into a very intelligent and prestigious high school. Your interest in us as students has shown through the three years that I attended your school. You take pride in the school you run and also invite students to share their opinions and views on ways to improve their own education and that of other students. I never took advantage of this opportunity while I was attending Maple Grove Senior High. Though I am not attending MGSH any longer, I am hoping that you will give me a chance to voice my observations that I have acquired throughout high school seeing that they may be helpful to you when making decisions in the future. I know I am only one person, but I have seen and talked to many of the students that attended or still attend Maple Grove Senior High and also other students around the country who have witnessed similar problems.
I would first like to say that these problems that I have observed are not the fault of any specific person. I think of them more as flaws in the system itself. Many students are becoming overwhelmed with schoolwork and this stress has been seen to cause emotional, social, and even physical problems. Education should not be hurting the future minds of the world. Though these problems of stress may not be immediately evident, they absolutely do exist.
Revised:
Dear Principle Loeberg from Maple Grove Senior High School,
I am writing to you today as one of your previous students. I would like to thank you for everything I learned and experienced at Maple Grove Senior High. This time in my life was very beneficial and has shaped me into the person I am today. I know that I am still only a college student, however I have had insight into your school that many faculty members have never seen. I would like to assist you into making your school the best that it can be. Taking a step back to reflect on my experience at Maple Grove, I have many fond memories and recall the times that made me stronger and better suited for the life I know experience in college. Students from your school, in general, are very prepared for college and all life after high school. This reflects the work that you have done to build students to their full potential. One of the ways to do this is by having AP classes. Students who take these classes are looked at as intelligent and academically superior to those who do not. Though this can be a great challenge for students to attempt, it also causes several problems. Students all over the country are suffering from health and stress issues because of the pressure to succeed in these elite courses. Many teachers, parents, and sometimes students have over hyped the importance of AP classes. This causes the students applying to universities to become overwhelmed with the idea that they must do an abnormal amount of work to impress the universities they want to attend.
Original...
ReplyDeleteDear Jimmy,
First of all, I want to tell you how proud I am that you got hired to teach at our old high school! You have always been such a motivation for me and it is because of you that I just decided to become a music teacher. Now, because you are bringing a fresh young mind to the teaching staff at Palmer High, it is necessary to bring forth the issue of stress and the high school student. The No Child Left Behind policy focuses mostly on English and Math, leaving out all other areas of study, including your area of expertise: music (Lenowitz). With increased pressure placed on standardized tests, students are tested to every last limb of their lives with no outlet (like art or music) to release their tensions from school. My challenge to you, then, is to work to restore arts and music programs to high schools in order to reduce the amount of stress students feel every day.
Revised...
Imagine that the only time you get to spend with your brightly shining high school daughter is on the car ride home. Upon entering the house, your child locks herself into her room and begins working on the countless hours of homework and studying she has to do for the following day. Maybe your child is dealing with an incredible amount of stress to perform well on all the required standardized tests, and is forced to deal with the stress alone because she does not even have the time to sit down and have a meaningful conversation with you or a counselor at school. The No Child Left Behind policy focuses mostly on English and Math, leaving out all other areas of study, including music and the arts: the only outlet that many students have from English and Math (Lenowitz). With increased pressure placed on standardized tests, students are tested to every last limb of their lives with no outlet (like art or music) to release their tensions from school. Yes, there is great importance in your daughter being well educated in Mathematics and English, but as a parent, watching your child struggle to handle stress at such a tender age is incredibly painful. The only release children may find during the school week is the day or so spent in a music or art class. As parents, we must work together to restore arts and music programs to high schools in order to reduce the amount of stress students feel every day.
Note: I changed my audience from a music teacher friend of mine to parents of high school students.
Original: Dear Kai,
ReplyDeleteIn three months you will be a new father and with this comes many new decisions and responsibilities that you will have in regards to your child. A major topic is one of schooling and the idea of what the consequences are of stresses placed on kids to succeed in the classroom and how they react to these stresses. You have multiple options in which you can place your kid and each option holds its own type of stress. The options you need to take into consider are the type of school that you will place your kid in and understand the pros and cons of each environment. Personally I would categorize your options for schools into three groups: home schooling, public school, and private school or boarding school. They all have their pluses and minuses but, this is a topic that will take some serious contemplating because the academic environment and type of institution that your kid grows up in can greatly affect the type of person they will become. These expected outcomes from each type of schooling are not set in stone but, potential downsides of each need to be considered in order to make the decision that you feel is most promising and beneficial. Your kid will be part of a new generation which will shape the world and determine the continued survival of humanity and the quality of life in the future. I personally believe that by giving him/her the option of boarding school will allow your child to fully embrace the potentials of this future and will have the least amount of negative stress on your child.
New:Dear Kai,
In three months you will be a new father and with this comes many new responsibilities that you will have to deal with. A major dilemma is the type of school you will place your kid in and the types of stresses they will have to deal with in this environment. You have multiple options for schools and each option holds its own type of stress. Personally I would categorize your options for schools into three groups: home schooling, public school, and private school or boarding school. I attended both boarding school and public school and I can personally vouch for the benefits of boarding school and all it has to offer. However, ultimately the choice is up to you but, you will have to take the pros and cons of each type of institution into consideration. Each school has socially accepted norms in the type of students they will produce and these can either be very promising futures or those that will end up poorly. Your kid will be part of a new generation which will shape the world and determine the continued survival of humanity and the quality of life in the future. I personally believe that by giving him the option of boarding school will allow your child to fully embrace the potentials of this future and will have the least amount of negative stress on your child.